


are we growing up or just going down?

by eunwoozi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, also slight mid-life crisis, fake dating au, mention of kyulwoo, slight existential crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 22:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17271935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eunwoozi/pseuds/eunwoozi
Summary: Junhui slammed his hands down on the counter and locked eyes with Jihoon, fringe sticking to his forehead and desperation in his eyes."I need you to be my boyfriend." Junhui said in a grave tone. Jihoon nearly choked on his gum.





	are we growing up or just going down?

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i meant to get this up by christmas but alas. life.  
> i was loosely inspired by the monstrous amounts of shitty christmas made-for-tv romcoms i consumed this past month.  
> i've tripled checked for any errors but please forgive me if i missed anything! please enjoy :-) 
> 
> fic title is from Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year by Fall Out Boy

Jihoon had never been fond of Christmas, or the holiday season in general. The winters were too cold, the holiday lights were too bright, and the Christmas music was annoying at best, migraine-inducing at worst. It didn’t help that his workplace, a coffee shop slightly off-campus, played holiday music constantly and consistently from the moment the clock struck midnight on November 1st. It was a testament to the innovation of this Christmas playlist that they were well into December and the sound of Michael Bublé was relaxing, rather than grating. He had only heard Bublé three, maybe four times in the past month. He hummed along while wiping down the counters. He instinctively looked up at the doorbell jingling.

“Welcome,” he chorused with his coworkers. Junhui was at the door, looking frantic and sweaty despite the cold December weather. His backpack was swinging from one shoulder and his jacket was haphazardly thrown on, but he lit up at the sight of Jihoon and started beelining towards the counter.

The semester just finished for Jihoon—he took his last final exam yesterday. Junhui still had one more final on Thursday before he left for break on Friday. Soonyoung and Wonwoo already left their apartment last night, cheerily rolling their suitcases out the door and waving goodbye to a miserable Junhui, who was slumped over his Econ textbooks. Jihoon was passed out after pulling an all-nighter for his last final, but he nevertheless received some very enthusiastic goodbye texts from Soonyoung when they left. They drove back home together, some perks of being childhood best friends.

Junhui slammed his hands down on the counter and locked eyes with Jihoon, fringe sticking to his forehead and desperation in his eyes.

"I need you to be my boyfriend." Junhui said in a grave tone. Jihoon nearly choked on his gum. He managed to catch it before it could permanently lodge itself in his trachea and block his airway. He spat it out into the trash can, but it still felt like something was lodged in his throat and he could barely breathe.

"What?" He managed to croak out, his throat inexplicably drier than usual.

"I need you," he pointed at Jihoon, "to be my boyfriend." He said this a bit louder and it caught his coworkers’ attention. They were juniors, a year younger than Jihoon, always loud and filled with energy.

"Finally!" Mingyu cried out, earning glares and shushes from several students. He mouthed a sorry to them before turning back to a disgruntled Minghao, "Pay up."

Minghao glared at them before digging into his pocket for his wallet and handing a twenty to a beaming Mingyu.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Jihoon asked incredulously. Mingyu gleefully pocketed his money and grinned at a confused Junhui and unamused Jihoon.

"I bet that Junhui was going to ask Jihoon out before the school year ended, but _Minghao_ ," he jabbed a thumb over at the aforementioned boy, "said you two have the emotional intelligence of a sock and would never do it," he spared a glance at them, "his words, not mine."

"I don't—we're not—this isn't—you—"Jihoon sputtered. He could feel burning in the tips of his ears and closed his eyes to collect himself. "That's not what's going on here," he opened his eyes and said to them. He and Junhui were friends, roommates, nothing more. He turned to Junhui, "that's not what's going on here, right?" Junhui looked between the three of them and Jihoon wasn't sure if it was a trick of the lighting or his imagination when Junhui's face looked a little more pink than usual.

But his voice was steady when he spoke, "Uh, not really. Can we speak in private?" He leaned towards Jihoon.

"I'm working," he gestured to the coffee shop and tried to ignore how close Junhui's face was to his. His throat felt like it was filling up with lumps of sand and scratching up his airway.  _Friends. Roommates. Nothing more._

"Take your break," Mingyu jumped in.

Jihoon glowered at Mingyu, "I already took my break."

Mingyu waved his hand dismissively, "We're not busy, take another break. I'll cover you." Jihoon began to protest, but Junhui was looking at him with his big round eyes and he conceded.

"Fine," he turned to Junhui, "Go find a table, I'll join you." Junhui gave him a big smile and nodded. Jihoon untied his apron and hung it up on a hook, grabbing a water bottle on the way out. He unscrewed the cap and had to chug nearly half the bottle before his throat felt somewhat back to normal. He sat down across from Junhui, who was steadily thrumming his fingertips on the table to the beat of the holiday music.

"What did you need?" Jihoon asked.

"For you to be my boyfriend?" Junhui grinned cheekily, still tapping on the table. Jihoon slapped his hands down on top of Junhui's, effectively stopping Junhui's makeshift drumming. Junhui’s hands were warmer and softer than he wanted to think about. _Friends. Roommates._

"You know what I mean," he pulled back his hands to his lap.

Junhui sighed resignedly, "Okay, so,” he flexed and curled his fingers, “I was talking to my mom, as per usual. And she said that my grandma is visiting because she flew into town for my cousin’s engagement party this weekend and in fact _she’s here right now and wouldn’t you like to talk to her Junhui?_ " He said this last part with a higher pitch. "And so she put me on the phone with my grandmother who I haven't seen in years and she's bombarding me with questions like,” he held up air quotes, “'How is school going? Aren't you graduating this year? Do you know what you're doing after graduation? Where are you working now? What are you going to do with that Business Degree Wen Junhui?',” his hands fell into his lap and he looked at Jihoon dejectedly, “The works. You know?"

Jihoon nodded. "Yeah, but what does this have to do with…" He gestured between the both of them.

"I'm getting to that," Junhui put his hands flat on the table and began tapping his fingers again, "So, she's asking me all these questions and I don't have good answers for her. 'School is going okay, yes I am graduating this year, no I don't know what I'm doing after graduation, I'm currently working in a library, and at this point the only plans for my degree is to frame it and hang it up somewhere.'" He paused and so does the rhythm of his fingers, "So, she’s starting to sense the despair in my voice, and changes the topic. And I don't want to disappoint this poor old lady who seemed to have so much hope in me at the beginning of this conversation, you know? So," he grimaced and took a dramatic pause, "when she asked 'Are you seeing anyone?'", he locked eyes with Jihoon, "I blurt out yes."

Jihoon groaned and put his head into his hands, "Junhui."

"So you know where I'm going with this." He said with a nervous laughter.

"What else did you say?" Jihoon looked up at Junhui with pained eyes.

Junhui was effectively avoiding eye contact with Jihoon, choosing instead to fix his eyes at the mini Christmas tree on the counter. "Well, it's not that important, but the gist is that she said she sure would love to meet my boyfriend because she's just here for the engagement party and who knows when she'll be back, and I said ‘good news my boyfriend is actually coming home with me this weekend for the party and would love to meet you’ and now I have a very happy grandmother waiting for my boyfriend and I to come home, provided he says yes?" He rushed the last part out and put his chin in his hands, batting his eyelashes at Jihoon.

"So you want me to be your fake boyfriend?" Junhui nodded. "In front of your entire family?" Junhui nodded again and began to slump back into his seat. Jihoon sighed, "How do you expect to pull this off?"

Junhui scratched his head sheepishly, "I didn't really think it through—I was just going to introduce you as my boyfriend and have you say a couple of nice things about me, so she won’t think I'm a complete loser."

"You're not—Why me?" Jihoon groaned. Junhui was an objectively good-looking guy, surely there were more than enough people who would have been willing to be his boyfriend, fake or not.

Junhui continued to bat his eyelashes at Jihoon, "Because you're not doing anything over break and you're my best friend?" Jihoon choked a little at that. ‘Best friends’ was a bit of a stretch—he and Junhui got along well enough, even if Junhui was too liberal with affection at times.

"What makes you think I'll say yes?"

Junhui straightened up, "Because you love me?" He flashed him a wide boxy grin filled with dazzling white teeth.

Jihoon just snorted and rolled his eyes, hoping Junhui couldn’t see his steadily warming ears.

"Please? I'll buy you dinner once a week. I'll do your laundry. I'll drive you to and from work. I'll drive you anywhere you want. Also it’s free food and cake at the party and also my mom is the best cook I know.” Junhui clapped his hand together in a plea, eyes wide and lower lip jutted out in a pout.

Jihoon didn’t know if it was the warm air inside the shop, or the lulling sounds of Michael Bublé overhead, or the sweet scent of ground coffee permeating the shop, but the offer didn’t sound that bad. He didn’t try to entertain the idea that it might be Junhui's big brown eyes and soft pink lips.  _Friends. Roommates._ He took a deep breath, "Twice a week."

Junhui gave Jihoon a puzzled look. "What?"

"Buy me dinner twice a week." Junhui's face lit up in a wide grin, baring his gums and pushing his eyes into half crescent smiles.

"Is this a yes?" He clutched Jihoon's hands in his own and shook him back and forth with excitement. Jihoon tried to pull his hands out but his grip was ridiculously firm.

"Only if you let my hands go," Jihoon grimaced, still trying to pull away. Junhui immediately dropped his hands and clasped his own together, face still in the same wide smile.

"Thank you, you saved my ass. I love you." Junhui said with sincerity that Jihoon didn’t want think too much about. Junhui leaned forward and made an exaggerated smooching sound towards the top of Jihoon's head, which Jihoon failed spectacularly at swatting away. _Friends._

"Don't you have a final to study for?" Jihoon felt his face burning and avoided looking into Junhui's eyes, staring instead at a water ring on the table. _Roommates._

Junhui gasped and panic set into his face. "Shit. I'll see you back at the apartment." He grabbed his backpack and ran out of the coffee shop, patting Jihoon on the shoulder as he leaves. Jihoon could still hear the bell faintly ringing in his ears long after Junhui's left. There was a heaviness in his chest that he couldn’t quite shake. _Nothing more._

 

###

 

Jihoon met Junhui freshman year. He was roommates with Wonwoo, who was best friends with Soonyoung, who was roommates with Junhui. Soonyoung, being the people-lover that he was, often pulled them both along to eating lunch or dinner. Junhui was quiet at first, at least compared to Soonyoung, but he laughed liberally, especially at Jihoon’s jokes, which was enough to get on Jihoon’s good side. They all got along well enough so that when it was time to move out of university housing, the four of them decided to get an apartment together. They were in their last year of college, and had only gotten into three yelling matches about the dishes, which Jihoon would consider a peaceful run overall.

Jihoon always had the apartment to himself over winter break—Soonyoung and Wonwoo grew up together in a small town about an hour away from the university, while Junhui lived a little further out, closer to a two-hour drive. Jihoon’s parents moved back to Busan when he left for college, and tickets back home were always ridiculously expensive during the holidays. He wasn’t always alone—he usually spent Christmas with Jeonghan or Seokmin, since they lived close by. Plus, the coffee shop always emptied out after the semester ended and the holiday pay rate was generous.

 

His boss was more than happy to give him the weekend off despite the short notice, even sending him off with a holiday bonus, shouting something about youth and enjoying life. Mingyu and Minghao shouted cheerfully about "having a good holiday with your boyfriend" when Jihoon left after his last shift on Thursday afternoon. They seem unfazed even when Jihoon returned their yelling with a rude gesture.

 

Friday morning came soon enough, and Jihoon couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy as he lugged his duffle bag down the stairs and to the trunk of Junhui's car. Everything felt less real in the early morning—the sun was barely peeking out from the horizon, blocked by layers of gray clouds, and the sky was washed over with a dark gray. The moon was still shining bright outside and there was a faint blue haze enveloping everything. Junhui was shifting his things around in the trunk to make room when Jihoon arrived. He grinned at Jihoon and placed his duffle bag in the trunk. He closed the trunk and turned to Jihoon.

"Ready to go, boyfriend?" Junhui slapped him on the back cheerily and Jihoon felt the air leave his lungs.

"Please don't call me that," Jihoon groaned and headed to the passenger seat. Junhui frowned but joined him in the car.

"We have to make it believable—my grandmother is old, not dumb." Junhui started the car and turned the heat up. Once the car was warmed up, Junhui backed out of their apartment complex and headed out to the freeway. The ride was quiet, save for the holiday music coming through the radio and the rumble of the wheels on the pavement. Junhui hummed along to Frank Sinatra crooning through the waves.

"Do we need a backstory?” Jihoon asked.

“Like—how we met?” Jihoon shrugged. “My mom already knows who you are, so we can just say we were friends first.”

Jihoon nodded. “Anything else?” Junhui hummed along for a bit more.

"You have to be okay with me calling you my boyfriend," Junhui held up a finger, "that's what fake dating entails." Jihoon sighed but agreed.

"Two, you can't swat me away every time I get close to you," Junhui held up another finger.

"I don't do that," Junhui looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "a lot." Jihoon corrected.

Junhui hummed, "I guess you don't. Try not to do it at all though." Jihoon nodded again.

"Three," Junhui held up a third finger but gave a long pause, "I don't know, just make it believable that we're dating?" Junhui shrugged and put his hand down. Jihoon thought those were pretty fair rules, considering the trade. If he could get through the weekend, he would no longer have to settle for eating ramen for dinner. He would no longer have to lug a month's worth of laundry up two flights of stairs. He would no longer have to spend money on gas. It was basically a lifelong dream.

A nagging thought creeped into his head and he tried to force it away, desperately trying to focus on the music. Instead, Junhui's humming only further reinforced the thought and there was nothing on the freeway to prevent it from returning like a boomerang, hitting him square in the head and knocking him out.

"What about kissing?" Jihoon barely got the words out and felt his ears burning up. Junhui stopped humming to Mariah Carey and turned to look at Jihoon with a serious expression.

"Well, if you wanted a kiss, all you had to do was ask," Junhui winked at Jihoon and burst into laughter before turning his eyes back to the road. Jihoon couldn’t stop the warmth from spreading to his face and he smacked Junhui's arm. Junhui yelped in protest, face still in a wide grin. Junhui always had an uncanny knack for making Jihoon's cheeks burn, his jokes always one step too far, his touch lingering for a second too long.

"You know what I mean," Jihoon grumbled out and turned down the heat, feeling way too warm for an early winter morning.

"We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with," Junhui reassured him. Jihoon relaxed a bit at that and directed his attention back to the sky in front of him. The sun was finally peeking out of the clouds, shining directly into his eyes. He squinted and pulled down the visor to block the direct sunlight, and felt a wave of exhaustion wash over him. He let out a big yawn, receded into his hoodie, and leaned back into the seat.

"I'm going to take a nap, wake me when we're there." Jihoon murmured and let his eyelids fall shut. Junhui said something back but he couldn’t make out the words as his brain took over and his consciousness slipped.

 

Jihoon jolted awake nearly two hours later when Junhui sped over a particularly nasty dip in the road and the car shook, causing him to bump his head against the car door. He felt a stinging on the side of his head.

"Sorry, I forgot how deep that dip was. Are you okay?" Junhui reached a hand out towards Jihoon's head and tried to rub the injury but Jihoon instinctively leaned away. Junhui frowned, "you promised not to do that."

"It's just the two of us," Jihoon murmured and rubbed the injury with his own hand. He looked at the scenery outside—they were off the freeway and on a street. The sun was a little more overhead now and the clouds had somewhat dissipated, leaving the sky a much more vibrant blue. They passed by a large park that stretched on for several blocks, lined with large towering pines. Junhui merged into the left turn lane towards the park. "Are we almost there?"

"Yeah, it's just past this park." The light turned green and Junhui turned into a smaller one lane street. Jihoon couldn’t help but feel a pang of nostalgia—the suburban streets with the large front yards, lined with old oak trees and green grass patches—were the same no matter what town or state you were in. He hadn’t been back to his hometown since he moved out for college. He almost forgot how the air was so much easier to breathe in suburbia.

Junhui pulled up into a driveway and parked next to another car. He opened his car door and stretched out his legs, pulling his arms high above his head. He turned back to Jihoon and gave him a warm smile, "Ready?" Jihoon shrugged and opened the door to stretch his own legs. The air was cold and refreshing, in contrast to the stale recycled car air he had been breathing for the past couple of hours. Junhui took a deep breath, "I think I can smell breakfast cooking inside, let's go." Junhui got out of the car and headed to the trunk. Jihoon gave a final yawn and followed him. He grabbed his duffle bag and heaved the strap over his shoulder. Junhui grabbed his own bag and shut the trunk. He held his hand out and looked at Jihoon expectantly.

Jihoon logically and consciously knew what Junhui was holding his hand out for but his brain stalled and sputtered like a car stranded on the road and all he could do was stare blankly at Junhui's hand. Junhui broke his trance and grabbed his hand and threaded it in his own, pulling him towards the front door. He set down his bag to unlock the door, keeping his hand interlocked with Jihoon's. He pulled Jihoon through the threshold.

"I'm home!" He called out to no one in particular, kicking off his shoes in the doorway. Jihoon took off his shoes and placed it neatly by the shoe rack when he heard a clattering from the kitchen.

"Welcome home!" Junhui's mother popped her head out from behind the counter. Junhui pulled him over to the kitchen, letting go of his hand. Jihoon could still feel the ghost of Junhui's hand threaded into his own. She turned to Jihoon with a warm smile that seemed unbearably familiar. "You must be Jihoon, Junhui never stops talking about you," she said and pulled him into hug. Jihoon raised his eyebrows and looked at Junhui, who was conveniently looking everywhere and anywhere but at him.

"What does he say, exactly?" Jihoon asked when she pulled away.

She chuckled, "Well, just about how smart and handsome and kind—"

"What are you cooking? It smells delicious," Junhui exclaimed a little too loudly from the stove.

"Chicken congee," she called back and shooed Junhui out, "Go put your bags down and wake up your brother for breakfast.” She pushed Junhui and Jihoon back towards the living room.

There was a Christmas tree in the corner of the living room, decorated with various hanging ornaments. Jihoon thought he saw a couple of handmade picture ornaments, but he couldn’t quite make out the pictures. The tree was wrapped in a red and green garland and flashing multi-colored Christmas lights. There were three stockings hanging just above the fireplace. The walls were decorated with holographic snowflakes and garland wreaths. The door connecting the living room to the kitchen was decorated with black, red, and orange construction paper to resemble a snowman.

"Your decorations are nice," Jihoon noted. Junhui let out a chuckle.

"Thanks, it's mostly my brother,” he looked around the room, “He always insists on decorating everything every year, so my mom just buys him a bunch of Christmas decorations and sets him loose. I went home the weekend after Halloween to help him put some of these things up."

"You decorated this?" Jihoon asked, taking another look around at the decorations.

"Not so much decorated as 'listened to a 12-year-old directing me where to put everything' but yeah," Junhui looked at the wreaths and snowflakes, "you like them?" He turned to Jihoon.

"Yeah, it’s nice,” he pondered. “We didn't really decorate for Christmas.” He took another look around the room. “This is nice," Jihoon reiterated.

"You didn't have a Christmas tree?" Junhui gave a feigned gasp.

Jihoon snorted, "We had a Christmas tree but not really any of this," he gestured at the stockings and the wall and door decorations.

"If you want, we can decorate the apartment after the break,” Junhui suggested.

Jihoon gave him a quizzical look, "It won't be Christmas then."

Junhui waved his hands dismissively and headed down the hallway, "It's always Christmas somewhere."

Jihoon stared in confusion at Junhui’s retreating, admittedly very broad, back. “That’s not how time works,” he shouted and jogged to catch up with him.

 

They dropped off their things in his room and Junhui immediately collapsed onto his bed. Junhui's room was painted a faint baby blue, with plastic glow-in-the-dark stars plastered across the walls and ceiling. There was a bookcase situated in the corner, filled more with manga volumes and DVDs than books. Jihoon made out a couple of familiar titles. There was a rustic mahogany upright piano against the wall next to his desk. There were a couple of pictures framed on the walls—one of Junhui and his family at graduation, and another one of him and his friends, cloaked in wide black gowns. There was a smaller one right above his piano, of his brother on top of his shoulders. They're at an amusement park somewhere, with identical grins stretching from ear to ear. Jihoon thought the picture could’ve been taken yesterday, with the way Junhui’s hair still flops into his eyes.

"I didn't know you play piano," Jihoon remarked. Junhui sat up from his bed.

"I used to take lessons as a kid but I got busy in high school and stopped," Junhui replied and looked down at his hands, "I don't know if I even remember anything anymore," he stretched his fingers back and forth, as if it would bring back his former piano skills.

"Can you play something?" Jihoon asked. Junhui looked up at him and smiled. He headed over to the piano.

"Sure, any requests? No promises with my rusty skills though," Junhui wiggled his hands above the black and white keys.

Jihoon shrugged, "Anything you remember." Junhui hummed and concentrated on the piano. He began gliding his fingers over the keys and starts playing a familiar tune. It started off with a simple repeating melody before giving way to a complex harmony. Junhui's fingers moved effortlessly on the keyboard and Jihoon couldn’t tear his eyes away. Soon the rest of the room faded away and Jihoon could only see Junhui's hands sailing over the keys and hear the sounds of Beethoven filling his eardrums. Junhui stumbled over a particularly fast piece and the cacophony jolted Jihoon out of his daze, causing the rest of his vision to come roaring back.

Junhui stopped and turned to Jihoon with a bashful grin, "Told you I was rusty."

That was beautiful, Jihoon wanted to say. Instead, all that came out of his mouth was, "Für Elise." Junhui looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"You know it?"

Jihoon coughed, his throat drying out again, "Everyone knows it."

Junhui closed the piano, "Right, music major.” He swiveled around on the bench. “It's one of the first songs I learned on the piano, so I probably still have the muscle memory,” He paused and looked back down at his hands, "not a good memory though."

"It was good," Jihoon mumbled, "You were good." Junhui beamed at him, a twinkle in his eyes. Jihoon felt a warmth blossoming on his cheeks and cleared his throat, "So, your brother?"

Junhui slapped his knee and stood up, "Right. Let’s go.”

 

They sat down to breakfast and Jihoon's stomach growled. It smelled familiar, like home. He took in a deep breath and dug into the food, thanking and complimenting Junhui's mother in between spoonfuls of hot soup. He was halfway through the bowl when Junhui’s mother cleared her throat.

“So, how long have you two been dating?” Jihoon choked on the remnants of his soup.

“Mom,” Junhui whined.

“I’m just asking, since you didn’t mention any boyfriend until three days ago! And for it to be Jihoon—you talk about him nonstop but I never thought—“

“We started dating last month,” Junhui cleared his throat loudly, effectively cutting her off, “I didn’t want to say anything because it was still new but Grandma forced it out of me.”

His mother laughed, “She has a tendency to do that.”

“So,” Junhui’s brother Yangyang piped up and wiggled his eyebrows, “what do you like about my brother?” Jihoon felt scalding soup slide down his throat. The Wens had a knack for interrogation.

“Uh,” he took a sip of cold water to soothe his throat and racked his brain for something, anything, but all that crossed his mind were the moles splayed across Junhui’s lips and the feeling of his soft warm hands in his own.

“That’s not an appropriate question to ask,” Junhui nagged at Yangyang.

Jihoon shook his head and put his hands up in protest, “No it’s fine, don’t worry about it,” he paused and turned to Yangyang, “I like his laugh.”

Yangyang looked at him curiously, “his laugh?” he echoed.

Jihoon nodded, “He’s always laughing at something,” he felt his throat drying and paused again, “you can’t help but feel happy.” A restless quiet fell over the table and Jihoon could feel Junhui’s gaze on him.

“You guys are so cheesy,” Yangyang broke the silence and made a face but Jihoon saw the corner of his lips twitching up. Junhui broke into a wide boxy smile when Jihoon turned back to him, and he felt the tips of his ears burning again. He coughed and reached out to the center of the table to ladle more food into his bowl.

“Oh here, let me get that,” Junhui’s mother took the ladle from him and filled up his bowl, “will you be staying with your family for Christmas?”

Jihoon thanked her and shook his head, “My parents moved back to Busan and I didn’t want to bother them with a flight ticket so I’ll be spending it in the city,” His mother frowned at that.

“Why don’t you spend Christmas with us? There’s plenty of room here.” She suggested.

Jihoon looked up at her beaming face, her warm smile familiar, the corner of her eyes crinkling up. He turned to Junhui but he couldn’t decipher the expression on his face. “I don’t want to intrude on your family.”

“Nonsense, we would love to have you, right Junhui?” His mother smiled and turned to Junhui. He nodded, looking at Jihoon with wide eyes. Jihoon didn’t quite know how to feel about spending the entire break with Junhui, much less a holiday like Christmas.

“I’d love to,” Jihoon said slowly. Junhui’s mother beamed at him again and Junhui gave him a similarly bright smile.

 

“You know you don’t have to stay for Christmas if you don’t want to right?” Junhui said in the middle of their Mario Kart battle.

Junhui had dusted off his old Wii when Jihoon found a Mario Kart disc on his bookshelf and challenged Junhui to a battle.

Jihoon shot a red shell at fourth place, successfully knocking out Toad and slowly catching up to Jun in second. “Do you not want me to stay?” Jihoon asked.

Jun ran over a speed boost and almost caught up to first place, “I do,” he hesitated, turning the corner of the track, “but I know my mom kind of cornered you.” Jun scored a super star in the item box and successfully zipped ahead to first place just as he passed halfway through the third lap.

“I’d like to stay,” Jihoon found the words slipping from his lips as he zoomed closer and closer to Junhui, “if that’s okay with you,” he added. He didn’t know why his brain was spewing out words without thinking them through, but he loses focus again when he managed to knock out second and third place with a triple red shell and catches up to Junhui. They were nearly neck and neck when Junhui bumped his kart into Jihoon and caused him to skid in the other direction, giving Junhui time to run to the finish line, finishing a mere two seconds before Jihoon. He let out a whoop and pumped up his arm, grinning from ear to ear.

“It’s okay with me,” Junhui’s grin was unwavering, “rematch?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon said and picked out a different race track, “I have to kick your ass at Mario Kart anyways,” Jihoon selected Rainbow Road on the screen. Junhui just grinned even wider and settled back down next to Jihoon.

 

###

 

Jihoon stepped out of the shower, freshly changed into a pair of pajama pants and a long sleeved shirt. He made his way back to Junhui’s room and left his towel to dry over the chair. Jun was lying sideways on the bed, his damp hair flopping off the edge of the mattress and his feet up against the wall. He was playing a game on his phone, furiously tapping his screen when Jihoon walked in. He instinctively glanced at Jihoon before quickly looking back at his screen, but the split second distraction was enough to cause him to lose. He let out a loud groan and dropped his phone on his chest.

Junhui yawned and stretched his arms past his head and let it fall limply on the edge of the bed.

“You ready for bed?” He looked at Jihoon, head still slightly upside down. Jihoon automatically yawned in response and nodded, placing his worn clothes back in his duffle bag. He checked his phone to several missed calls from Soonyoung. He was considering if it was worth it to call him back when the phone buzzed in his hands, Soonyoung’s unmistakable cheeks flashing across the screen.

He picked up the phone but didn’t get a chance to say anything before Soonyoung started yelling in his ears.

“Are you and Junhui finally dating?!” He all but shouted. Jihoon opened his mouth to correct him but he began yelling again, “I had to find out from Minghao! Minghao! Jihoon, I thought we were best friends!”

Jihoon didn’t wait for him to finish his rambling and cut him off, “First of all, Wonwoo is my best friend.” Soonyoung made a disgruntled sound from the other end. “Second of all, Minghao is wrong.” He heard the muffled sounds of Soonyoung mumbling something off-speaker and Wonwoo’s unmistakable deep voice in response. “I’m going to sleep. Good night.” Jihoon moved to hang up the phone.

“Wait!” Soonyoung’s voice rang out from the speaker and Jihoon paused, “Aren’t you at Junhui’s house right now?”

“Good night.” Jihoon just reiterated and cheerily hung up before he could get another word in.

Jihoon yawned again and put away his phone, ready to retire to bed when he heard a phone buzzing in the room. He turned to the noise, the vibration coming from Junhui’s phone on the bed. He could see the distinct contact photo belonging to Soonyoung flashing across the screen. He tried to reach for his phone before Junhui could, but Junhui’s extra-long limbs beat him to the punch.

“What’s up?” Junhui picked up the phone, giving Jihoon an amused look when Jihoon swatted at the bed where his phone was. Jihoon heard indistinct chattering from the other end, but couldn’t quite make out any words. Junhui sat up on the bed and looked at him while nodding, “Yeah he’s here, did you need something?” Jihoon motioned for him to turn off the phone but Junhui just tilted his head at him while Soonyoung chattered on the other line. Jihoon couldn’t make out anything Soonyoung said, but something caused Jun to freeze up momentarily, quickly glancing at Jihoon before looking at the wall behind him. “No,” he said slowly in response.

Jihoon tilted his head at Jun and raised an eyebrow in confusion, but Junhui just shook his head.

Another string of incoherent babbling, and Jihoon thought he could hear Wonwoo’s voice on the line too. Jun cleared his throat and babbling stopped, “Okay well! It’s getting pretty late,” he faked a yawn and Jihoon had to stifle his laughter, “Good night Soonyoung! Good night Wonwoo!” He hung up on them before they could protest.

“What did they say?” Jihoon asked.

Junhui shrugged, “They just wanted to know if you were here and I told them you were. How did they even know?”

Jihoon gave an exasperated sigh, “Minghao and Mingyu.” Junhui just nodded in understanding. “What else did they say?” Jihoon added.

“Oh,” Junhui seemed a little distracted and fidgeted with his phone, “nothing really, just some stuff about finals and work.” Jihoon didn’t push, but there was a gnawing in his chest that wished he would.

“Okay,” Jihoon got up and toweled off his wet hair a little more, “I’m going to bed, do you have an extra blanket?”

He stared at him in confusion, “Where are you going?”

Jihoon returned his confused gaze, “The couch?”

He just rolled his eyes, “There’s no heating out there,” he got up and pulled Jihoon by his wrists towards the bed, “You are sleeping here.”

He tugged his hands from Junhui’s grasp and laid down on the edge of the bed, “there’s not enough room for both of us,” he gestured. Junhui pursed his lips and pushed Jihoon closer to the wall and laid down next to him. His head was tucked into the crook of Jihoon’s neck, his annoyingly broad shoulders poking at Jihoon’s chest.

“I think there’s enough room,” Junhui mused and Jihoon was about to point out the shoulder still jabbing into his chest when Junhui shifted to the side and looked up at him, his face suddenly in close proximity to his own. Jihoon was tempted to count the eyelashes fanning across his lids, “Right?” Junhui locked eyes with Jihoon and winked, the corners of his mouth lifting in a slow grin.

Jihoon felt the warmth budding from the back of his neck and traveling slowly to his ears. He broke eye contact, pushed Junhui aside, and sat up from the bed. “There’s not enough room, I can sleep on the floor.” He cleared his throat.

Junhui frowned and sat up. “You’re my guest, I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“You can’t sleep on the floor—this is your bed,” Jihoon argued back.

“I’m not letting you sleep on the floor!” Junhui furrowed his brows.

“Alright, fine. How about we just take turns?” Jihoon sighed, exasperated, “You’ll sleep on the bed tonight and I’ll sleep there tomorrow.” Junhui pouted but his expression softened.

“Fine, but you sleep on the bed tonight,” Jihoon opened his mouth to protest, “no arguments,” Junhui gave him a pointed look. He slumped his shoulders and nodded. Junhui headed out of the room and returned shortly with a pillow and a couple of blankets. He dumped his stuff on the floor by the bed and turned off the lights.

Jihoon felt weariness overcome him when he slid beneath the covers and his head hit the pillow and he couldn’t combat his heavy eyelids.

“Psst,” Junhui whispered loudly, jolting him out of near-unconsciousness, “Are you asleep already?” Jihoon just turned towards the wall. “Jihoon?” He asked softly.

“What?” he mumbled.

“I can’t sleep,” Junhui rustled, kicking his blanket up.

“I can. Good night.” He tucked his head underneath the covers.

“Jihoon,” He whined softly, “Don’t leave me by myself on this cold floor.”

“You wanted to—” Jihoon abruptly turned back to Junhui, who was grinning from ear to ear— “Never mind,” he sighed. The moonlight filtering through the window cast a shadow of the curtains on Junhui’s face, illuminating his nose and cheeks. “What do you want me to do about it?”

Junhui turned his body towards Jihoon, tucking nearly his entire body underneath the blanket, “You fall asleep like that,” he snapped his fingers. “How?”

Jihoon let out a yawn, “It helps to be constantly sleep deprived.” He rubbed away the tears forming in the corners of his eyes

Junhui snorted, “How are you sleep deprived when you sleep twelve hours every day?”

“Hey,” Jihoon retorted defensively, “I don’t sleep twelve hours every day.”

“You’re right, sometimes it’s only ten hours.”

“I’m going back to sleep.” Jihoon grumbled and pulled the covers over his head.

“No wait, I was joking, please help me.” Junhui whined and reached up to pat at the bed.

Jihoon peeked out underneath his covers at Junhui extending his hands out towards him. He swatted Junhui hands away and they fell limply against his chest.

“Okay first, close your eyes.” Junhui obeyed his orders and tucked his arms back into his blanket. “Take deep breaths.” He made exaggerated breathing noises at first but eventually fell into a quiet beat. “Clear your head. Just think of a white room. With nothing in it. Focus on that.” Jihoon took his own advice and closed his eyes. The room was silent except for their breathing and the rumble of cars passing by on the street. He nearly fell asleep again when Junhui kicked up his blanket and abruptly turned towards Jihoon.

“I can’t sleep,” He declared.

Jihoon just heaved the blanket over his head again. Junhui yanked at the blanket until Jihoon’s face was uncovered, “What?” Jihoon grumbled again.

“What am I going to do tomorrow?” He groaned, “it was hard enough talking to my grandma on the phone, how can I face her in person?”

“Just tell her the truth—that you’re still considering your options.”

Junhui moped, “like what?”

“I don’t know,” Jihoon admitted, “Internships? Business school?”

Junhui turned to lie on his back again, “I guess. I feel like it’s not good enough.” He paused. “It just kind of feels like I’m not accomplishing as much as everyone else, you know?”

“Like what?”

Junhui exhaled, “Like—everybody I know is either getting a job, or getting into graduate school, or getting married, or having babies.”

“You want to get married and have babies?” Jihoon raised his eyebrows.

Junhui gave a short laugh, “No way, not yet anyways.” He stared up at the stars plastered on the ceiling, “It’s just, everyone’s doing something, and I’m the same kid I was four years ago.” He folded his hands together and twiddled his thumbs. “My cousin is only two years older than me and she’s engaged, with a career, and a home. It just feels like—like I’m aging, without getting any older.” He turned his body towards Jihoon and propped his head up on his arm. 

Jihoon turned his head towards him and they gazed at each other. Jihoon didn’t know what to say, or how to reassure him. Wonwoo had always been a little better with words than he was. 

Junhui spoke up before he could get the chance to, “Adulthood kind of feels like when I found out what actually happens when you’re exposed to the vacuum of space.”

Jihoon furrowed his brows. “What?”

Junhui sighed, “You know how when you were younger and you heard all these things about how space was like, an endless chasm.”

Jihoon nodded, “Right.”

“And all these things had you thinking that if you ended up out there, your guts would explode, or your body would freeze to death, or your blood would boil over by the sheer strength of the sun.” Junhui rolled onto his back again.

Jihoon nodded again. “But you don’t?”

“But you don’t.” He said resolutely.

“What happens?”

“You black out, because there’s no oxygen. And then, you suffocate to death.” Junhui said indifferently.

“Sounds fun.” Jihoon matched his tone.

“But that’s just it. It’s not. Space is arguably the coolest place to die in, and you just...lose consciousness,” Junhui sighed indignantly.

Jihoon turned his head curiously. “And adulthood is like dying?”

Junhui put his hands underneath his head. “No.” He contemplated, “Kind of.” He paused again and shook his head, “No.”

“So what, then?”

“I guess—when I was a kid, and I wanted to be an astronaut—the worst thing that could happen was that I would die in space, and I thought, even then, at least, I would die in this remarkable way. And then I found out you don’t. And also that you needed to be really good at physics to be an astronaut.” Junhui pulled his arms from underneath his head and knitted them together on his chest. “So I moved on. And I thought—I’m not going to be an astronaut but, at least, adulthood would be good. I would go to college, get a job, be super rich and successful. Maybe I could buy a trip to space. But—here I am,” Junhui trailed off. He was silent for a while and just stared up at the plastic stars.

Another car rumbled by on the street, flashing a faint light across the walls. “Two years is a long time.” Jihoon finally said.

“What?” Junhui turned his head.

“You said she’s ‘only’ two years older but—two years is a lot of time,” Jihoon turned onto his back, “it’s enough time to apply for business school, or interview for jobs, or—or get married and have babies.”

Junhui laughed. “You’re right.”

“And I don’t have anything figured out with my life either—none of us do.”

Junhui snorted, “That’s a lie, but thanks for making me feel better.”

“Wha—it’s not a lie,” he huffed indignantly.

“You had an internship last summer, and you’re doing interviews.”

Jihoon pulled a face. “None of that means anything. It doesn’t guarantee a stable job or like, eternal happiness.” Junhui wheezed out a laugh. “You’re not in this alone, you know.”

Junhui gave him a beaming smile that pushed up the apples of his cheeks. “Thanks. You really did make me feel better.” He paused and looked up to grin widely at him, “you’re the best boyfriend ever.”

Jihoon snorted and dragged the covers over his head before Junhui could notice his cheeks coloring. “Shut up. I’m going to sleep.”

“Good night, Jihoon.”

 

Jihoon didn’t know when he finally managed to drift off to sleep but he jolted awake at the bed shaking. He turned around to the dip in the bed and he could faintly make out Junhui’s figure in the dark, one knee on the mattress.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Junhui whispered.

Jihoon’s eyes were still heavy with sleep. “What are you doing?” he mumbled.

“Okay, don’t kick me out—the floor is so cold.” He whispered back, and Jihoon could almost hear his pout.

“I’m not—why are you whispering?” Jihoon whispered back.

“I don’t know,” Junhui whispered again. He pondered on this for a moment before speaking up again. “Can I sleep here?”

Jihoon waved his hand at Junhui and scooted in towards the wall. “It’s your bed.” Junhui climbed fully on the bed and plopped down his pillow next to Jihoon’s head. Junhui knocked against his knees and murmured an apology as he settled down next to Jihoon.

“Thanks.” Jihoon just hummed in response.

Despite his restlessness earlier, Junhui fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, his breathing evening out into a steady rhythm.

And despite his own weariness earlier, Jihoon now felt wide awake, acutely aware of the body next to his—the leg grazing his heel, the feather light touch of fingers against his arm, the face just inches from his own. There was that leaden presence in his chest again, making it impossible for him to breathe.

He tried to turn his focus to the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered across the ceiling instead. They were arranged in distinct shapes—constellations—with a few scattered stars here and there. Jihoon’s knowledge of astronomy was elementary at best—reliant on memories of childhood TV shows. Even so, the Big Dipper was seared into his memories, and he spotted the Little Dipper nearby. There were three large stars in a row that he vaguely remembered to be Orion’s Belt. There were a few more—weird triangles and lines interconnected and woven together—that he couldn’t recognize. He counted the stars over and over again until the body next to his felt like a fixture and the star patterns were ingrained into his eyelids.

 

The thin curtains and single paned windows did little to prevent the light and the cold air from seeping into the room and waking Jihoon up. He tried to pull the covers over his head, but the blankets caught on something. Jihoon drew back the covers and he was joltingly reminded of why the bed was exceedingly warm despite the cold air. Junhui was still sleeping, his entire body still turned towards Jihoon. In the light of the day, Jihoon was even more haunted by his thoughts from when he first met Junhui.

Junhui is handsome, and more so when he’s up close. That was his very first impression of Junhui as a freshman. Obnoxiously tall and handsome then, obnoxiously tall and handsome now. He caught himself counting the moles dotting Junhui’s face—the one in the center of his cheek, the two splayed across his upper lips, and countless more strewn across his face. It reminded him of the plastic stars on the ceiling. He wasn’t sure what compelled him to construct a star map of Junhui’s freckles—maybe it was the overbearing weight in his chest—but he didn’t push any further. He wasn’t exactly ecstatic with what realizations might occur with any further inquiry.

Junhui began to stir and Jihoon instinctively shifted back. Junhui’s eyes fluttered open and they widened for a moment at the sight of Jihoon before his gaze softened and he broke out into a wide grin.

“Morning.”

“Morning,” Jihoon croaked out. He cleared his throat, suddenly conscious of how gravelly his voice sounded.

“Sorry for waking you up last night.” Junhui stretched his arms out towards the ceiling. “Did you sleep okay?” Jihoon just nodded before a yawn overtook him. “I think we have an air mattress somewhere in here. I’ll try to find it so you won’t have to sleep on the floor tonight.” Junhui pursed his lips and looked around the room.

“It’s okay,” Jihoon spoke up, “I mean—if you don’t—I don’t mind sharing the bed,” Jihoon stammered out before his brain could stop him. Junhui just nodded and gave him another one of those infectious award-winning smiles.

“We should get out of bed—big day today,” Junhui started, “ready to meet the rest of my family?” Jihoon groaned and slid underneath the covers. Junhui just laughed, patting his head through the blanket.

 

###

 

Despite the chaos of getting ready within an hour and only one bathroom shared between the three boys, they managed to get themselves out of the door just in time. Junhui’s mother was in a navy wrap dress that fell just above her knees, while Yangyang was dressed up in a full black suit from head to toe, including a clip on bow. Junhui threw a black blazer over a white turtleneck and black pants, and had his hair styled with a slight part.

The venue was a beautiful restaurant, entirely rented out for the party and bathed in a pale pink light. The tables had small arrangements of carnations and hydrangeas and a large dance floor near the front of the restaurant. The pièce de résistance of the entire room was a large sparkling glass chandelier, reflecting off the rosy lighting.

“Wow,” Jihoon mumbled when they entered the restaurant, “This is…”

“I know.” He mirrored his awe.

“Didn’t you say this was just an engagement party?” Jihoon murmured. He felt a little underdressed in his slacks and white button-up.

“My grandma can’t make it to the wedding, so I guess they’re going all out to make up for it,” Junhui explained. Jihoon just nodded and tried to take in the sight. There was even a proper three-tiered cake. They boys were led to their table by the dance floor, but they were stopped every so often by a relative or a friend, who cooed and fawned over Junhui and Yangyang. They lost Yangyang to one of the young cousins, who dragged him to the appetizers, where they foraged the steamed buns.

They almost made it to their table when a young woman ran and tackled Junhui, nearly knocking him over. She was in a long light strapless chiffon dress, with a thin layer of lace running down her sleeves. The chiffon was speckled with various pastel shapes and patterns down the length of her entire body. The sparkles were reminiscent of the chandelier hanging above the room.

“Junnie!” She shouted and brought him into a tight hug. “I’ve missed you so much.” She let go of him and frowned, eyebrows furrowing, thumping him in the chest. Junhui let out a pained expression and shuffled backwards.

“Ow,” he rubbed his hands over his chest. “What was that for?”

She placed her hands on her hips, “I had to get engaged to finally see you? Where have you been?”

“College! It’s too far to drive home for every family gathering.” Junhui tried to explain himself.

“Not even when I brought my fiancée home?” She sulked.

“I had two finals,” Junhui whined defiantly.

Her frown just gave way to a fond smile. “Alright, but at least reply to my messages on time,” she nagged.

“I will,” Junhui promised solemnly. “Speaking of fiancée, where is she?” Junhui asked. She lit up at the mention.

“Eunwoo got captured by some well-meaning aunties,” she said somberly, craning her neck towards the crowd. Jihoon followed her line of vision and spotted a similarly dressed blonde-haired girl in the midst of the chaos. “I’ll come back with her later but, more importantly,” she turned to Jihoon, “Who is this?” She gave him a bright dazzling smile.

“Right. Jihoon, this is my cousin, star of the party, Jieqiong.” She put out her hand to shake his. “And this is my ‘boyfriend’, Jihoon.” He held up air quotes.

“’Boyfriend’?” She mimicked him, raising an eyebrow.

“Well—long story but—I didn’t want to deal with Grandma nagging me for the rest of the night so officially, he’s my boyfriend.” Junhui explained.

Jieqiong looked at both of them with an amused expression, eyebrows still raised. “Sounds like a lot of trouble to go through just to avoid some nagging.”

“Hey,” Junhui said indignantly, “not all of us have a wife and a career.”

“Fiancée,” she corrected and turned to Jihoon, “Is he at least paying you for this?”

“Dinner and laundry,” he replied promptly.

Jieqiong chuckled, “I guess that’s fair.” She looked back to the crowd when someone shouts her name and exhaled loudly. “I have to go greet some more guests but,” she turned to Jihoon and grinned, “find me later and I’ll share all of Junnie’s embarrassing childhood stories.” Jihoon just laughed and nodded. She beamed at them and ran to the crowd before Junhui could say anything.

Junhui sighed as they watched her greet the crowd.

“Junnie?” Jihoon said, with a large grin. Junhui whipped his face towards him.

“She kept mispronouncing it when she was a baby and it just stuck,” Junhui said resignedly.

“Junnie,” Jihoon echoed with an amused smile.

Junhui pursed his lips, “…Hoonie,” the corner of his lips quirk up.

Jihoon felt his heart jump and wrinkled his brows, “Don’t call me that.”

“Don’t call me Junnie,” Junhui countered.

“Fair enough.” Jihoon slapped Junhui on the shoulder and walked off to their table.

 

They only managed to get through one plate of dumplings when they were whisked away to meet some more relatives. Jihoon introduced himself to several aunts and uncles, a couple of family friends, and even a great-uncle. The majority of Junhui’s cousins were much younger, so he didn’t introduce himself so much as say hi to a gaggle of giggling kids who immediately ran away afterwards. When the last uncle finally finished giving his unwarranted financial advice, Junhui grabbed him and rushed them to the refreshments in the corner.

“That was so tiring, I went through like, several mid-life crises,” Junhui groaned and chugged down a cup of Coke.

“At least it’s over now,” Jihoon did the same with his drink.

Junhui shook his head, with soda still in his mouth and his cheeks puffed up. “We still have to talk to my grandma,” He swallowed and gave another long sigh, nodding towards the party. He set down his cup and held out his hand to Jihoon. Jihoon hesitated, the weight in his chest thumping against his bones, before setting down his own cup and placing his hand in Junhui’s. He naturally threaded their fingers together and pulled them towards the crowd.

Junhui’s grandmother was, in contrast to the picture painted by Junhui, extremely lovely. She was considerably shorter than everyone else, but she had lively eyes and a bright teal pantsuit, making her stand out amongst the guests. She lit up at the sight of her grandson and immediately pulled him into a tight hug, as seemed to be the family tradition. When she realized who Jihoon was, she pulled him into a hug as well. Jihoon feared the worst from this seemingly all-powerful matriarch, but it was hard to do so when she was beaming so brightly at them.

“Don’t you boys look lovely.” she said warmly.

“This is Jihoon, my boyfriend.” Junhui squeezed his hand. Jihoon greeted her.

“Jihoon, what do you study?” She inquired, “Junhui tells me you’re a music major?”

Jihoon nodded, “I study music composition.” She nodded quietly for a moment and Jihoon began to worry. What if she thought his major wasn’t good enough? What if she thought he was some starving artist living off of cup ramen and didn’t want her grandson anywhere near him? He did have an affinity for ramen, but it was more of a time thing than a budget thing. Even so, Junhui would be criticized for dating someone like him, which was the very reason he brought Jihoon to begin with. Jihoon felt a cold sweat beginning to break out underneath his shirt, and it felt like minutes passed before, thankfully, she smiled at him.

“A composer, anything good?”

Jihoon laughed awkwardly. “I’m not sure if I would say good, but one of my songs was performed at our annual winter concert,” Jihoon said nervously.

“Winter concert,” she tightened her lips and repeated to herself. Jihoon immediately panicked again. Was a school winter concert not good enough? Did she expect a national pop hit? Or at least a local radio hit? Maybe he and Junhui should have come up with an elaborate backstory. “…You should invite me next time.”

Jihoon breathed a silent sight of relief. “Of course.”

“Do you play any instruments? Junhui plays piano extremely well you know, it’s a shame he doesn’t play as much for us anymore.” She turned to glower disapprovingly at him but Junhui avoided eye contact and retreated a little behind Jihoon.

Jihoon nodded enthusiastically, “I mostly use the piano and guitar when I compose songs, but I also play the drums and the clarinet every now and then.”

“That’s wonderful! You and Junhui should play a duet for their wedding!” His grandmother exclaimed. “I can’t make it to the wedding but they’ll record the entire thing anyways.” She started looking around as if to already get the gears in motion.

“If the brides want us, we’d be happy to.” Junhui interjected. He didn’t look too ecstatic at breaking out the piano in front of the entire family.

“Good. I’ll let them know,” She said decisively. Jihoon had a feeling Jieqiong and Eunwoo would gladly comply with whatever request she had. He didn’t plan to attend the wedding, but he also didn’t plan to stay with Junhui the entire break either. At this point, he figured he would just cross that bridge when they got there. His grandmother cleared her throat, “What kind of work do you have lined up?”

“Oh, I—uh—I have a part time job at a café,” the corner of her lips twitched downwards ever so slightly and Jihoon frantically added, “but sometimes I work at my friend’s studio when they need extra help.” She began to nod approvingly and he added, “I hope to work there full-time after I graduate.” She beamed at him.

“Good. It’s good that you love what you do. And Junhui,” She turned her attention towards him, “How have you been?”

Junhui looked a little weary but his voice was energetic. “I’m going to apply for some internships over the break.”

His grandmother nodded again, “That’s good. Make sure to get experience.” She pointed her fingers emphatically. “You could always ask your uncle to see if there are any openings in his company.”

“I will.” He nodded repeatedly.

“Speaking of your uncle, I have to go and talk to him.” She squinted and looked around the room. She turned back to him and gave him a firm look. “Make sure to stay healthy—eat your vegetables and stay out of the cold.” She added.

“I will.” Junhui nodded.

“And keep your grades up. You can’t slack off towards the end now.”

“I won’t.” Junhui shakes his head.

“This goes for you too,” She turned to Jihoon and gave him a stern look. His eyes widened in surprise but he nodded along with Junhui. “Give me a call sometimes.” She gave both of them a fond smile, “And take care of each other.” She hugged them once more and patted them warmly on the back.

They returned her smile and waved as she walked back to her table. Junhui immediately slumped over Jihoon as soon as she walked out of sight, leaning his chest against Jihoon’s back and his head against Jihoon’s shoulders.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Junhui muttered. Jihoon hummed in agreement and shrank himself to wriggle out of Junhui’s grasp. Junhui momentarily frowned but lit up when he looked across the room.

“She might come back if she sees us. Wanna get a drink? It's an open bar.” Jihoon just gave him a wide grin in return and they both beelined towards the bar.

 

Jihoon was on his second glass of wine, which normally would make him just a little tipsy, but he hadn’t had dinner and nothing quite drains you like chatting with strangers. Needless to say, the room was spinning a little more than usual and he was feeling a little more than buzzed. Junhui’s on his third glass, but he looked infinitely better than Jihoon. He’d always had the best alcohol tolerance amongst the four of them, lugging a shit-faced Jihoon and Soonyoung home when need be. Jihoon felt the familiar warm flush settling into his chest and creeping up to his face.

“You look like a cherry tomato.” Junhui laughed. Jihoon glared at him and moved forward to hit his arm, but he lost his balance and nearly fell off his stool. Junhui instinctively put out his hands to steady him by his shoulders. Jihoon shook him off and pulled himself back, Junhui’s touch still burning through his shirt.

“How are you not drunk?” Jihoon whined.

Junhui snorted, “I don’t have the tolerance of a 16-year-old.” He leaned back smoothly when Jihoon lurched at him.

Junhui just laughed again. Jihoon pursed his lips—he felt warmer than usual, enveloped in a cloudy haze. He held a hand up to his face, but the warmth was widespread and it just felt like dipping his hands into a lukewarm bath.

Junhui furrowed his brows in concern and leaned in, holding a warm palm to his forehead.

“Actually, you feel pretty warm, are you okay?” Junhui held a hand to his own head to compare. Jihoon leaned back and nodded, waving his hand away. Junhui let his hand hang briefly in midair before letting it fall limply against his side. He continued to stare at him, but Jihoon’s brain felt cloudy and his forehead was still burning up and he couldn’t decipher his expression. Junhui turned back to the bar to take another sip of his drink. “Thanks,” Junhui spoke up, “For helping me out today.” Jihoon just hummed and nodded. “And sorry for my grandma’s…interrogation.”

Jihoon barked out a short laugh. “It’s okay. She was nice. I think she held back a little.”

Junhui laughed. “It probably would’ve been worse if you weren’t there.” He glanced at the lights bouncing off the wall. “She means well.”

Jihoon just hummed again, “She does.”

“And thanks, for talking to me last night.” Junhui turned to him. “It really helped me.”

“Today wasn’t that bad.” Jihoon noted.

“Not just today,” Junhui stated. “You made me feel better about this whole…future thing, too,” he gestured wildly at the air.

Jihoon waved his hands dismissively and took another sip of his drink, “I didn’t tell you anything you didn’t already know.”

Junhui knitted his brows. “Maybe, but I think I needed to hear it from someone else,” He exhaled.

“Well,” Jihoon swiveled towards him, his head feeling light, “If you ever need someone to tell you something you already know again, I’m right here.” He joked. He pulled his face together in an attempt to wink, but he thinks it came across as more of a pained expression. Junhui burst out into a fit of giggles.

“Did you just try to wink?” He cackled.

Jihoon scrunched his face together. “Stop laughing! I can do this.” He tried to wink with his other eye, but he couldn’t pull the right muscles together and ended up blinking aggressively.

Junhui doubled over in laughter, clutching his stomach. Jihoon tried to push Junhui off his stool in retaliation, but he was surprisingly firm.

“Sorry you were just,” Junhui got out between laughing fits, “so cute.”

Jihoon paused, the words settling into his skin. Cute. _Cute_. Cute. Did he mean to say that? He probably did. But Junhui had always been like that—calling him cute, touching his arm, making him flustered. That was who he was. His friend. His roommate.

He was leaning over his arm, still laughing uproariously, eyes crinkling and teeth shining and Jihoon found it harder and harder to breathe. The burning in his chest was enveloping his entire body and rushing to his cheeks and ears, scorching his skin. It felt unbearable but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Junhui. His boisterous laugh petered out into a gentle smile and Jihoon could see his wine-stained lips shaping to form sounds but his heart was pounding in his ears and he couldn’t make out the words.

Jihoon wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol in his veins or the cloud over his brain, but he was tired. He was tired of holding his breath and averting his gaze. He was tired of pretending while his cheeks flushed and betrayed him regardless. Mostly, he was tired of the aching in his chest. The leaden presence that gripped his airway and mangled his heart.

He was tired, so he leaned in. He tangled his fingers in Junhui’s shirt and caught his lips between his own and it felt like time sped up and slowed down all at once. The heaviness in his chest did waves, crushing him in one moment and giving him a breath of fresh air in the next. Junhui tasted bitter, like the wine in their glasses. He felt the back of his neck burn when Junhui tugged him in, enveloping him in another wash of cherry red wine.

The waves in his chest came and went, pushing and pulling, flowing and ebbing like a thunderous ocean—until Junhui pulled away.

“That was wrong.”

Jihoon felt the weight in his chest sink to the depths of his core. The clouds in his head cleared and he pulled back. Right. Of course. _Nothing more._

“I’m gonna…go,” he mumbled and hopped off the stool. He wasn’t sure where he was going but the air was suffocating and the pounding in his ears was deafening. He blindly followed the neon green sign, murmuring apologies as he pushed past the crowd.

Jihoon hadn’t noticed it when he came in, but there was a small garden off the side of the restaurant, complete with a stone fountain and twinkling lights that weaved in and out of the hanging plants along the walls and over the railings. Jihoon collapsed into a bench near the fountain, the cold air crashing into him and filling his lungs, watching as the water burst from the top and stream steadily down into the basin. The lights reflected and shimmered off the water, creating waves of light and dark that danced and swayed with the wind.

Junhui followed him out moments after, eyebrows wrinkled in concern. Jihoon moved to leave again but Junhui rushed forward.

“Wait!” Junhui shouted. Jihoon continued towards the exit. “Jihoon!” He caught up to him.

“It’s fine.” Jihoon blurted out, still walking away. “I was being stupid. Let’s forget it.” He sped up his pace.

Junhui reached out and held onto his shoulder. “Jihoon, I like you.” He exhaled, the words forming into a vapor and lingering for a moment before dissipating into the air. Jihoon paused, pivoting to face Junhui.

“What?” He choked out.

“I like you, a lot.” He repeated and dropped his hands to his sides, biting his bottom lip.

Jihoon just stared at Junhui, the blood rushing to his core. “But you…,” he trailed off.

Junhui sighed and closed his eyes. “I just meant that—you were drunk, and I shouldn’t have—but—it came out wrong.” He opened his eyes and gazed back at Jihoon. “I like you.” He said again. Jihoon stared at him—his deep brown eyes were reflecting the garden lights and it made his eyes glimmer like the stars. His soft pink lips were washed in another layer of warmth. The weight in his chest did leaps.

“I’m not drunk.” Jihoon said.

“What?” Junhui blinked at him.

“I’m not drunk.” Jihoon repeated.

“But you were all…red…and warm…and giggly.” Junhui gestured at his face.

Jihoon sputtered, touching a hand to his cheek. “I mean—I was a little buzzed—but I’m not—you don’t have to be—I meant to.” Junhui just looked at him in confusion, eyes still glimmering. Jihoon took a deep breath of the cold air, soothing the aching in his chest. “I like you too.”

Junhui stared at him with widened eyes. “You do?”

Jihoon nodded, the presence in his chest rising, “I like you." 

Junhui broke out into a wide grin. “Since when?”

Jihoon shrugged, ears flushing.  “I don’t know,” he confessed. He didn't know his face could burn any brighter. “A while now, I think.”

Junhui just beamed, the apples of his cheeks flushing a rosy red. “Then, would you want to have dinner with me sometime?” Junhui reached out and laced their hands together.

Jihoon felt his palms burning up. “Dinner?”

Junhui squeezed his hands. “As a date?”

Jihoon swung their hands back and forth. “You owe me dinner anyways.” He grinned at Junhui.

Junhui laughed and pulled him in closer. “Right.”

“And you’re driving.”

Junhui smiled and placed his hands on his neck, thumbing at his jaw. “Right.”

“Will you still do my laundry?”

Junhui just grinned wider and leaned in, enveloping his lips in his own and lifting the heaviness from his chest. 

**Author's Note:**

> [soonyoung voice]: i was right!!  
> thank you for reading!! any feedback/comments/thoughts are appreciated :-)  
> also let me know ur favorite shitty made-for-tv christmas romcom. i'm pretty fond of the ones on netflix.  
> come talk to me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/jungnoonoo)


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